| 【テキスト1】カジツ様。
ご連絡と弊社製品に興味を持っていただきましてありがとうございます。
|
あなたの
作 文 | Dear Mr. Kajitsu,
Thank you for your contact and interest in our products. |
| 指摘箇所 | Dear Mr. Kajitsu,
Thank you for your (E) contact and interest in our products. |
| 添削結果 | Dear Mr. Kajitsu,
Thank you for your email and interest in our products. |
解 説
[質問する] | (A) Be specific. Contact is fine, but I prefer concrete expression if at all possible. There is no chance of mistake if you use the noun `email/fax/letter/call`. Crisp and buisnesslike.
** Thank you for your ** is fine but
>>Thanks for your>> is briefer aned crisper I think.
|
| 評 価 | ＬＶ５ ＰＥＲＦＥＣＴ！ |
|
| 【テキスト2】弊社は確かに日本への販売に興味があります。直接輸出するのと、ライセンス販売はいずれも可能です。 |
あなたの
作 文 | We are actually interested in sales to Japan. Both direct exports and license sales are possible. |
| 指摘箇所 | We are (B) actually interested in sales to Japan. Both direct exports and (C_)license sales(_C) are (D) possible. |
| 添削結果 | We are indeed interested in sales to Japan. Both direct exports and licensing are possibilities. |
解 説
[質問する] | (B) Expression. Nuance.
The feel here should be `very`. `actually` may be `実は。。‘ but here it sounds like the writere is surprised.
I like `very interested/most interested/excited about/keen on` etc. But, I see many Japanese students use `surely` which is not correct here either.
(C) Grammar & sense. `Licensing` alone is fine. If you must use sales for both, use it once
eg. ...direct and licence sales to Japan.
(D) Grammar/usage. `Possible` is OK, but I think possibilities is a little better as it is a definite plural. A minor grammar point; do not stress about this Masatake.
|
| 評 価 | ＬＶ４ ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。 |
|
| 【テキスト3】お好みはありますか？ |
あなたの
作 文 | Do you have preference? |
| 指摘箇所 | Do you have preference? |
| 添削結果 | Do you have a preference? |
解 説
[質問する] | **preference>>singular>>need `a` (or `any` or `some`)
|
| 評 価 | ＬＶ４ ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。 |
|
| 【テキスト4】インターネット上で御社を見つけることができませんでした。なにとぞ御社についてもうすこし詳細を教えていただけますでしょうか？ |
あなたの
作 文 | I was not able to find your company on the Internet. Could you tell us detail about your company, please? |
| 指摘箇所 | I (E_) was not able to(_E) find your company on the Internet. Could you (F) (G_)tell us(_G) detail about your company,(H) please? |
| 添削結果 | I could not find your company on the www. Could you kindly let me know a little more detail about your company please? |
解 説
[質問する] | (E) Economy. I think simple grammar is best. Yours is OK and polite, but fiddly grammar.
(F) Politeness. Your version is OK, but I like the ....reason+kindly....please. format when asking someone to do something for you.
eg: Masatake, to understand your needs better, kindly add a comment at the end of the exercise please.
(G) Verb. `tell` is OK (just) as I think it a bit direct.
(H) Punctuation. No need for comma here.
|
| 評 価 | ＬＶ４ ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。 |
|
| 【テキスト5】わざわざご連絡ありがとうございました。 |
あなたの
作 文 | Thank you for your contact. |
| 指摘箇所 | Thank you (I) for (J) your contact. |
| 添削結果 | Thank you again for chasing us up! |
解 説
[質問する] |
|
| 評 価 | ＬＶ４ ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。 |
|
| 【テキスト6】敬具
ロバート(ボブ)S.スミス４世(Robert(Bob)S.Smith IV,
マーケティングマネージャー，ハイテク株式会社(HiTek Inc.)
|
あなたの
作 文 | Sincerely,
Robert(Bob) S. Smith IV, marketing manager, HiTek Inc.
|
| 指摘箇所 | Sincerely,
Robert(Bob) S. Smith IV, (K) marketing manager, HiTek Inc.
|
| 添削結果 | Sincerely,
Robert(Bob) S. Smith IV,
Marketing Manager,
HiTek Inc.
|
解 説
[質問する] | (K) Grammar. Proper nouns (titles, names etc) use capital letters (for first letter).
eg. Emperor of Japan
eg. H. Stringer, President of Sony.
|
| 評 価 | ＬＶ３ いいたいことは誤解なく伝わっています。ややぎこちない表現があります。 |
|