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作 文 | Last Friday I went to Tokyo. Next day my daughter who lives in Matsumoto also came to Tokyo for busines. That day I went on a night cruise that I have wanted to go for a long time with my husband. It was very wonderful and exciting. And the next day my husband and I took a Hato bus. And we looked around Koukyo,Asakusa,The Diet Building and Tokyo tower.I felt it was different from I looked them before. And the next day we my husband my daughter and I went to the movies in Shinagawa. And then we went to a restrant where is in the same building. The restrant is enlosed with aquarium. It was very beautiful and the dinner was very nice. We enjoyed our holidays.
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| 指摘箇所 | Last Friday I went to Tokyo. (A)Next day my daughter who lives in Matsumoto also came to Tokyo for (B)busines. That day I went on (C)a night cruise that I (D)have wanted to go for a long time with my husband. It was very wonderful and exciting. And the next day my husband and I took a Hato bus. And we looked around Koukyo,Asakusa,The Diet Building and Tokyo tower.I felt (E_)it was different(_E) from I looked them before. And the next day we (F)my husband my daughter and I went to (G)the movies (H)in Shinagawa. And then we went to a restrant (I_)where is in the same building(_I). The restrant is enlosed with aquarium. It was very beautiful and the dinner (J_)was very nice(_J). We enjoyed our holidays.
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| 添削結果 | Last Friday I went to Tokyo. (A)On the next day my daughter who lives in Matsumoto also came to Tokyo for (B)business. That day I went on (C)board a night cruise that I (D)had wanted to go for a long time with my husband. It was very wonderful and exciting. And the next day my husband and I took a Hato bus. And we looked around Koukyo,Asakusa,The Diet Building and Tokyo tower.I felt (E_)they were different(_E) from I looked them before. And the next day we (F),my husband my daughter and I went to (G)a movie theater(H)in Shinagawa. And then we went to a restaurant (I_)in the same building(_I). The restraint is (*)enclosed with aquarium. It was very beautiful and the dinner (J_)tasted so good(_J). We enjoyed our holidays.
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解 説
[質問する] | (A)翌日
on the next day
(B)(*)スペルミス
(C)〜に乗船する
get/go on board
(D)時制
ずっと行きたかった思いは、ナイトクルーズに乗ったことで解消されているので現在完了（過去のある時点から現在）ではなく、過去のある時点から過去までの継続をあらわす過去完了時制が適切。
(E)複数形
皇居や、浅草、東京タワーなどが以前見た時と変わっているように思えたので複数形。東京タワーだけなどを言いたい場合は、I felt Tokyo Tower ...と具体化しましょう。
cf.余談ですが東京タワーはずいぶんと変わりましたね。地上波デジタルのアンテナをつけたりして姿がずいぶん変わりました。
(F)カンマ
(G)以下の２パターンで表現可能です。前置詞の使い分けに注意してください。
We went to a movie **to** Shinagawa.
We went to a movie theater **in** Shinagawa.
(I)シンプルに表現
関係副詞がなくても前置詞だけでＯＫです。
(J)その他の表現
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| 評 価 | ＬＶ４ ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。 |
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